Category: instructions

Enchanted Doll

How to play with the nude doll properly:
Pose it, bend and move its body without force
Hold it gently and move the limbs in their sockets
carefully in the direction of the slits
To clean it, wipe with water or any household cleaning agent
Braid, brush, wash or even dye its hair
Dress and undress it carefully

Avoid:
Dropping the doll
Submerging the doll in water
Forcing the joints to move in the way they were not intended
Pulling the joints out of their sockets – it loosens spring tension
Handling it roughly
Taking the doll apart

I cannot ship you new body parts

From the repairs page of the Enchanted Doll website. Submitted by Grace Andreacchi.

Yutaka Registered-Trade-Mark Sushi


Place Yutaka® Sushi Nori on a Yutaka® Bamboo Mat, 
right at the edge 
nearest your body. 
Spread evenly with Yutaka® rice over about 
two thirds of the sushi nori 
with the uncovered part 
facing away from you. Add your favourite fillings 

a little off centre. 

Roll up the bamboo mat
slowly
tucking the closer end of the sushi nori to start a roll 
and press lightly with both hands. 
Wet the final flap of Yutaka® Sushi Nori 
to stick the roll together. 

Remove roll from the mat, and cut 
into six pieces using a 
lightly moistened 
sharp knife.



Taken from the back of a sushi rolling mat packet, found in the attic. Submitted by Christa.

Open Grave in a Public Place

Grip the fork in your right hand
with as much strength as possible.

With your left hand use sharp
downward blows in a circular motion.

If you are uncertain,
lift up the palm of your hand
as shown in the diagram

WARNING
Quick questions
Will guarantee
A serious bodily injury

Fitting instructions for a quick release Shimano bicycle wheel. Submitted by Winston Plowes.

The shade you chose

Apply section by section

Put on the gloves.
Wet the hair without washing it.
Towel dry.
Apply the mixture to the roots,
by parting the hair into sections
using the applicator nozzle.
Then spread it all over the hair.

Massage

Massage the hair gently. Work up a lather.
The colour of the product will become
darker and darker
Don’t worry.
After the development time,
the colour will have developed fully:
that way you are sure to
obtain the shade you chose.
Let it develop for 30 minutes

Rinse

Pour a little warm water on the hair
and massage gently.
Rinse thoroughly
with warm water
until the water runs clear.

From the instructions for L’Oreal hair dye, 27th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Swingers

Couple number one, have a little swing,

keep swinging …
Say hello to couple number two
and hello to couple number three,
then everyone has a little swing.

Pass by your partner
dance with the person you meet
come back together
and have a little swing.

Bec says ‘I was at a ceilidh on Saturday and the caller was always looking into the middle distance as he gave us directions.’

Staring At Not Out

Cleaning
Instructions to be undertaken
by trained personnel only

Opening Window
Remove mishandling
block with black
key provided.
Press button
marked Press
whilst pushing
window open

Cleaning Window
Press button
marked Press
and push window
open to arms
length, then
continue reversal
by pulling
window from the top
until window
engages
with restrictor.

Leaning out of the window is not necessary for this operation.

Noticed on the pane of the new office window. Window spotting enthusiasts will recognise the instructions as belonging to the ECON 75 T.S. Submitted by Alan Mitchell.

Breaking the Rules


the original source,
word for word.
Isn’t a poem
(only in matters of style)

Cunningly;
words invent
spoken or graphical sources;
In italics or speech marks.

Extract whole excerpts,
keeping them…
…unpunctuated!
And arrange them in lines ☺

Capitalise line beginnings,
to show the veracity of the excerpts.
you may choose whether or not to…
… disguise personal names!

Exercise poetic licence,
Invent punctuation,
E.g. render numerals or symbols as…
YOUR OWN TITLE!!!!!!!!!!

Dan has literally broken the rules.

The Love Song of I. Buprofen


If you suffer from any of the following
at any time during your treatment
stop taking the medicine and seek
immediate medical help:

Pass blood in your faeces.
Pass black tarry stools.
Vomit any blood or dark particles
that look like coffee grounds.
Develop a stiff neck, headache, nausea,
vomiting, fever and disorientation.

Stop taking the medicine and
tell your doctor if you experience:

Indigestion or heartburn.
Abdominal pains (pains in your stomach)
or other abnormal stomach symptoms.
Asthma, shortness of breath, skin rash,
itching or swelling of the face and tongue.

Fever, sore throat, mouth ulcers,
flu-like symptoms, severe exhaustion,
unexplained bleeding or bruising.

Other side effects that some patients
have had with ibuprofen include:

Stomach discomfort,
diarrhoea,
flatulence (wind),
constipation,
headache, dizziness,
vertigo, tinnitus

(ringing in the ears),

fluid retention,
high blood pressure,
visual disturbances,
feeling unwell,
tiredness and drowsiness,
sleeping problems,
nervousness, numbness
and tingling,

confusion, hallucinations and depression,
swelling of the feet and occasionally
blistering or flaking of the skin.

It has been known for Ibuprofen
to cause gastro-intestinal disturbances
such as abdominal pain, nausea,
vomiting or ulcers. Ibuprofen
can make colitis and Crohn’s disease worse.

Very rarely,
blood in the urine,
kidney damage or
even failure,
liver damage
(including jaundice,
with yellowing of
the skin or eyes),
blood disorders or
sensitivity
to light may occur.

Some patients with
auto-immune disorders
(such as lupus)
have experienced a
kind of meningitis
(inflammation
of the brain) with
symptoms such as
stiff neck, headache,
nausea, vomiting,
fever or disorientation.

If you experience any other
unusual or unexpected symptoms
which persist or are troublesome,
consult your doctor or pharmacist.

If you experience
dizziness, drowsiness,
tiredness or problems with vision,
do not drive or
operate machinery.

Medicines such as Ibuprofen
tablets may be associated with
a small risk of heart attack
(“myocardial infarction”)

or stroke.

This is the ‘While Taking Your Medicine’ section of the Patient Information Leaflet for Ibuprofen Tablets BP 200mg, bought from the Co-op last week. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.