Dear Professor,

I have been feeling dizzy and lightheaded this morning
and want to let you know
that I will not be making it to class.

I am currently in bed with a migraine.
Unfortunately, they happen from time to time.

I’m really not feeling well again today
so I think I have to miss class again.

I’m in a class right now where I’ll be taking a test,
but I’ve been sick for a while (coughing, throat,
headache, etc.) and don’t know if I’ll have the energy
to sit in a classroom for three hours.

I’m currently experiencing bad wheelchair problems
that will, as of now, render me unable to get to class tomorrow.

Just reminding you that I am missing class Thursday
to attend the SUNY Model EU summit
in New York City as a part of the Press Corps.

I had to miss today’s journalism class due to heart palpitations.

Please excuse my absence tomorrow,
a family friend committed suicide and I rushed home.

I will get the notes from a classmate.

E-mails received from students during spring and fall 2013 semesters at SUNY New Paltz. Submitted by Howie Good.

Interview

Judge Mario Cantone of “Sex and the City” fame
Asked Miss Oklahoma
What she thought of Miley Cyrus’
Recent twerk-filled VMAs performance.

Judge Lance Bass of N*SYNC
Asked Miss Minnesota
Whether political candidates
Were carrying “Stand By Your Man” too far
By supporting their spouses.

[PHOTOS: 50 most beautiful female celebrities]

Violinist Joshua Bell
Asked Miss California
If it was the United States’ responsibility
To punish Syria for using
Chemical weapons on its own people.

TV chef Carla Hall
Quizzed Miss New York
About what message was sent
By Julie Chen’s revelation
She’d had plastic surgery to look less Asian,
To advance her career.

Miss America 2005 Deidre Downs Gunn
Asked Miss Florida
About what the country should do
About minorities having disproportionately low income
And disproportionately high rates
Of unemployment and incarceration.

Miss Florida’s answer was actually cut off for time.

From Miss America crowns first Indian American winner, Nina Davuluri, LA Times, 16 September 2013. Submitted by Mark Dzula.

American Portraits

1
Arrested by the Seattle police
for shooting a car’s tires.
Enlisted in the Navy Reserve.
Spent two days in jail
after a bar fight in Georgia.
Investigated for shooting a gun through his ceiling.
Honorably discharged,
despite “pattern of misbehavior.”
Contractor security clearance re-approved.
Told the Rhode Island police
he was hearing voices.
Twice went to Veterans Affairs hospitals
seeking treatment for insomnia.
Killed 12 people at Washington Navy Yard.

2
One morning she flew
to an early analyst meeting
and realized too late
that she had left
her dress shoes on the plane.
So she eyed women
in the baggage claim area,
spotted a suitable pair
worn by one of them —
and approached
with a $120 cash offer
for the emergency footwear.
The stranger said no
but offered a second pair
from her suitcase. Done.

3
The tail fin of a sockeye salmon
caught in a net in Bristol Bay, Alaska.

Matthew Sullivan releasing a gull
that crash-landed on the deck of the Rollo.

New buoys sit aboard a crab vessel.

Billie Delaney, a fisherwoman, holds
a dead seabird at Graveyard Point.

Stanza 1 is taken from the New York Times article, “A Troubled Past”, 19th September 2013. Stanza 2 is taken from a Forbes article, “A Real Amazon“, about a woman who died on 19th September 2013. Stanza 3 is taken from“Eat, Fish, Sleep, Click”, 21st January 2013. Submitted by Howie Good.

This dress checks your movements

with that wasp waist,
your lungs, stomach, liver, and other organs
squeezed down out of place,
and
into one half their natural size,
and
with that long trail dragging on the ground,
how can any man of sense,
who knows that life is made up of use, of service, of work;

how can he take such partner?

He must be desperate to unite himself for life with such a deformed,
fettered, half-breathing ornament.

If I were in the matrimonial market, I might marry
a woman that had but one arm, or one eye,
or no eyes at all,
if she suited me otherwise; but
so long as God permitted me to retain my senses,
I could never join my fortunes with those of a woman
with a small waist.

A small waist!

I am a physiologist, and know what
a small waist
means.

Taken from the 1871 book Our girls by Dio Lewis. Submitted by John Rodzvilla.

Delineated Invitation

You may come whenever the library is open.
No prior contact is needed.

You may use any open computer in the library.
No log-in is required.

You may use your own laptop, if it has a wireless card.
However, you will have to go to the Plaza level

to register for walk-in permissions.
A login window may pop up.

Please log in as GUEST.
A guest has access to all resources.

Monday through Friday, between 7 AM and 5 PM,
you must use visitor parking.

After 5 PM, and on weekends,
you may park in any non-restricted lot.

Instructions for library usage provided on the website of librarian and educator Susanna Cowan, September 2008. Submitted by Dawn Corrigan.

The Empty Bell

No spring this evening
It is indeed autumn that returns
Face diluted in water

The lights are all out
Nothing stays anymore
Not a footprint
Nothing but blue spots in the corner of a sheet
The color which night decomposes

Rise up carcass and walk

Index of first lines in Pierre Reverdy: Selected Poems, translated by Kenneth Rexroth (New Directions, 1969). Submitted by Howie Good.

They’re not grateful any more

It used to be a very unique and
blessed experience to be able to
experience theatre and to go to
see it and only the most highest-class
people in Shakespearean times would be
let into the theatre and everyone
else would have to watch it in the square.
Nobody feels that way any more. It’s
so easily accessible on the
Internet it’s treated like McDonald’s,
it’s treated like trash…

I’m not a French fry,
I’m foie gras.

Taken from the transcription of an interview with Lady Gaga posted on How Upsetting, 2nd September 2013. Submitted by Marika.