Problems

once i had a boil on my butt
and i went to the doctor. She told me

just to keep it clean and it will go away.
that was about a year ago now.

Now i get boils on my butt and in between my legs.
It is so annoying. It hurts when I sit down

and thats all we do in High School.
I am obese and my mother says

its because my legs are rubbing together.
She is probably right.

I am trying hard to lose weight
but these boils are getting in the way.

it is getting out of hand. Oh yeah, and
for some reason, which i don’t know, all these boils

are leaving purple marks and not small ones.
I just need some help with this.

Is this a huge problem?

From a comment left at MedicineNet.com, 25 June 2013. Submitted by Jo Bell.

Wanting

I mean I actually have to
physically
send him a link
to the thing I want.

I mean I would almost
rather him not buy anything for me…
because he just goes
and buys me something

really SHIT. And he’s started being
really funny about it, like now
he buys me something
and says I probably won’t like it

even before I unwrap it. And I
just said to him that it’s better for me
to SAY I don’t like it and take it back,
than to pretend. And

I must have mentioned like
twice a day that I want
some stacking rings. But he
sees that as like an engagement ring,

like I’d MARRY him
for Christ’s sake. I mean if I want
to find out what HE wants
I would ask his friends.

Why doesn’t he do that? Oh, and then
he goes online to Sophie
to ask what I want
and she tells him that I want

some black jeans and this poster
I linked to on Facebook, and he
just didn’t pay ANY ATTENTION to her…
Yes but I shouldn’t have to say

what I want.

A phone conversation overheard on the train from London to Pewsey, 4.36pm on Wednesday 19th December. Submitted by Jo Bell.

The Shape of Our Rage

Gradually men rise up to confront them.
One of the bravest is
a teenage hairdresser’s apprentice.

Vidal Sassoon, the man who gave us
the Five Point Cut, the Asymmetric Bob
and Mia Farrow’s £2,500 haircut

was a street-fighting man.
“That popinjay Mosley.
Fascists preaching hate on every corner.

The same abuse that I remembered
from the 1930s,
I was too young to do anything about it.

The pictures we were seeing
from Auschwitz and Buchenwald and Dachau
changed the shape of our rage.

I went to work at the salon in Mayfair
with a badly scratched face
and this refined client said

Good God, Vidal, you look terrible.
What happened to you?
Nothing much, I said. I just fell over a hairpin.”

(From an Anti-Fascists Online report following the death of Vidal Sassoon. Submitted by Jo Bell)

Custom Dictionary

Aaaargh
aaargh
Arse

Bakewell
Baldy
buggeration
Bunnyface

colposcopy
Columbus
Cressida
Cumbria
Didsbury
Dimbleby
Duffer
dunno

Eon
Ecton
Er…

fab
FAB
Facebook
fishcake
fuck’em
Fulham

Gawain
goblins
got’em
grrr

haiku
hardcore
hubris
huzzah!

id
Ikea
Ingerland

jetlagged
Jodrell
Jonathan
Jonks

Kendrick
Kevinless
kissed

Lavinia
Lesbiana
Liverpuddle
luvverly

m’dear
Macaulay
Merseyside
Me
mercies
miseries
mockingbird
Monterey

narrowboats
needlecraft
nob

Orla
ooh
Oooh
ORLA
Ovaltine
ovulating

PDFs
PMS
PJs
pissed
podcast
poeting
pootling
Prokoviev
Psychicbread
quilting
Quorn

ravishing
Rayleigh
rehydrated
revelatory
RSPB
RSVP

Sadlergate
Sandiway
Sandringham
Sarge
Sauvignon
Sellotape
sleepyhead
sparrowfart

Tamworth
Tesco
thingybob
Thinkpad
tinternet
tirribly
topsy
Tupperware
turvy
Um…

undelete
Undercliffe

vengeful
vergers

weirdly
Whitby

whooping
whortleberries

Xanthe
Xmas

yay
!

From the custom dictionary on my phone – these are all the words my phone has learnt from me. Submitted by Jo Bell.