It’s got a big yellow dog,
sharks, a dead dugong,
attracted millions of viewers
on YouTube and you couldn’t
make it up.

From the Reuters story about a recent viral YouTube clip, Dog Bites Shark. Submitted by Christian.

In the Merry Month of May

Arsenal missed
the chance to close the gap on Premier
League leaders—

Arsenal’s rapidly
deteriorating season
took another blow.

only earn a point as their Premier League title
aspirations were dented.

Arsenal’s Premier
League title aspirations suffered
a significant setback.

Arsenal kept
up the pressure—and maintained
their title hopes.

Arsenal’s title
hopes were left hanging
by a thread.

Arsenal’s Premier
League title hopes were dealt
another devastating blow—

Arsenal’s Premier
League title challenge is all but over after
they lost to a last minute goal—

Arsenal blew
the Premier League title race
wide open.

Stoke extinguished
Arsenal’s Premier League title dream
with a deserved win at the Britannia stadium.

Lines from the opening paragraphs of Arsenal football match reports on the BBC football website. The reports quoted cover a run of 10 games from Sunderland (home), 5 March, to Stoke (away), 8 May 2011. Ellipses replaced with m-dashes. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Oak Beach

The black police dog winced
as its paws touched the thorns
on the bushes by the side
of a remote beachside highway.

A little reluctantly, the cadaver dog
followed its police handler into
the Long Island brush, looking
for yet more human remains.

We always say ‘another day in paradise’.
The wind whistled through the reeds
and the brush crackled
as the cadaver dog carried on sniffing.

Selected text from a BBC news article about bodies found on Long Island, 7 April 2011. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Fifteen Minutes More

Our French dream is over . . .
and now I fear for our
happy marriage, says
Lauren Booth.

Lauren Booth: I changed my
Facebook profile after
a row and now my husband
is in a coma.

I asked him: ‘Do you know
who I am?’ reveals
Lauren Booth as her husband
emerges from a coma.

Lauren Booth thanks God her
husband survived a
horrific motorbike
accident but confesses:
The man I loved is dead.

Lauren Booth wrote about
dumping her husband on
Facebook and his terrible
road accident but now
her mother-in-law asks:
Why can’t we keep
this in the family?

Lauren Booth: why I hate
my mother and never
want to see her again.

Daily Mail headlines featuring Lauren Booth, collected by the Guardian’s Lost in Showbiz blog, 28th October 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Not Squirrel but Monkey

“I thought it was a squirrel at first,”
he told the Leader.

“It was a similar size, but
was dark brown in colour and
had a long, straight, upright tail.

It paused for a moment standing
on its hind legs, looked at me,
then scampered off
over the hedge.”

Taken from the Guardian’s weekly round up of news from the North of England, 26th August 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Dog Injures Nose

POLICE in Ringwood
are investigating
the circumstances surrounding
an injury to a dog’s nose.

A woman was walking
her dog and puppy,
when her puppy ran off.

Her dog ran after
the puppy but collided
with a male dog walker
and his dog.

The woman’s dog
received an injury
to his nose.

From the Salisbury Journal, 24th April 2010. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Tunnel of Love

Undoubtably one of the highlights of
the day – and a first for the show – was the
successful world record breaking attempt
by Alnwick-based North Northumberland Dog

Training Club. With the help of one thousand
pairs of legs the club comfortably smashed the
existing record for a dog running
through a tunnel of legs. As one thousand

volunteers stood patiently in the main
arena with their legs akimbo,
Staffordshire Bull terrier cross, Elsa,
and Border Collie, Shadow, broke the world

record with ease.

From the Hexham Courant, Friday 29 May, ‘Record Breaking County Show draws 27,000 Crowd’. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Agoraphobia Bites

I started to feel like
something was pushing me
down into the ground and I just freaked out.

So I grabbed the bairns and
said we’ve got to go home.
I felt like everything was just closing

in on me I thought I
was dying. I heard the
bairns in the garden playing in the snow

and I got angry with myself
and I thought I’m missing out on them.

So I slowly sidled
to the edge of the bed,
crawled on my hands and knees to the window

and looked out all wide-eyed.
One of the bairns looked up
and waved and said ‘there’s mam’ I said ‘hi son’

and shot back into bed.

(The words of Sue Curtis in Woman Leaves House After 20 Years)