2020

When your bluetooth mouse dies during a
zoom call you have to turn off your
video reach your top drawer
and take out batteries
from your vibrator
that is twenty-
twenty in
a nut
shell

(From The Social Distance Project on Instagram)

Almost never losing

My whole life is about winning.
I don’t lose often.

I have a great relationship with the Mexican people.

All of the women on The Apprentice
flirted with me – consciously
or unconsciously.
That’s to be expected.

I have a great relationship with the blacks.

I better use some Tic Tacs
in case I start kissing her.
You know I’m automatically attracted
to beautiful women,
I just start kissing them,
it’s like a magnet.
You know when you’re a star they let you do it.
You can do anything.
Grab them by the pussy.
You can do anything.

I have tremendous respect for the Japanese people.

You know, it really doesn’t matter what they write
as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.
But she’s got to be young and beautiful.

Part of the beauty of me
is that I am very rich.
A person who is very flat-chested
is very hard to be a 10.

Black entertainers love Donald Trump.

Well, someone’s doing the raping, Don!
I mean, somebody’s doing it.
Who’s doing the raping?

With the proper woman you don’t need Viagra.

I almost never lose.

Who’s doing the raping?

(Quotes from The Collected Donald Trump and 32 quotes that sum up Donald Trump’s election campaign)

Letters to God

A great deal of my mail
comes from fans – fans of all ages.
The scholarly, the curious,
the disbelievers write and ask

how? why? when? what for?
did you fly? melt? scream? cackle?
appear? disappear? produce?
sky-write? deal with monkeys?

etc., etc., etc.

(Actress Margaret Hamilton quoted on Hyperallergic. Submitted by Howie Good)

Trinity Tanka

I am become Death
We made a terrible thing
Destroyer of Worlds
What are you moping about?
We’re all sons of bitches now.

(Manhattan Project physicists Richard Feynman, Bob Wilson and J. Robert Oppenheimer on the first atomic explosion, the 1945 Trinity Test. Submitted by Daniel Galef)

The Shores of Tripoli

1
Never sell the bones
of your father and mother.
Every damn fool thing you do
in this life you pay for.
The bastards tried to come
over me last night.
I guess they didn’t know
I was a Marine.

2
Is it not meningitis?
All right then, I’ll say it:
Dante makes me sick.
Damn it! How will I ever
get out of this labyrinth?
Useless … useless …
My vocabulary did this to me.

3
Don’t ask me how I am!
I’ve got the bows up … I’m going!
I understand nothing more.
The bastards got me,
but they won’t get everybody.
This is the fish of my dreams.

Last words from Wikiquotes. Submitted by Howie Good.

Madiba

I have walked that long road to freedom.
I have tried not to falter;
I have made missteps along the way.
But I have discovered the secret
that after climbing a great hill,
one only finds that
there are many more hills to climb.

I have taken a moment.

I learned that courage
was not the absence of fear,
but the triumph over it.
The brave man is not
he who does not feel afraid,
but he who conquers that fear.

Taken from a CNN article, “Mandela in his own words“, 26th June 2008. Submitted by Angi Holden.

You can say I am a hater

You can say I am a hater
but I would argue I’m a lover
I’m a lover of traditional families
and of the right of children
to have a father and a mother

I believe the earth gets warmer
and I also believe the earth gets cooler

is anyone saying same-sex couples
can’t love each other?
I love my children
I love my friends, my brother
heck, I even love my mother-in-law

Quotes by Rick Santorum, candidate for Republican nomination in the US Presidential elections 2012. Specifically, quotes as they appear in Rick Santorum Quotes As New Yorker Cartoons posted by Jack Shepherd. Punctuation has been stripped out and the ‘I’m’ of line one turned back to two words for the irresistible rhythm. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.