I leave this vessel
for the lowest of the low
not only as a testament
to the act of your human transgression
but also as a tomb,
a tomb for you.
So that when you are near death
your smallness can climb in
through the hole you left
where the spout once was
and lay yourself down
in the vacuous space
and die a thieves death alone,
pitiless, without a single soul
to remember you.
You will take your last breath
void of any true feelings
of love or decency for others.
(A note on an antique in a Michigan store)
THE CHURCH WOULD BE MUCH OBLIGED
IF YOU WOULD NOT
STACK THE GREY CHAIRS ANY MORE THAN
THIS IS A HEALTH AND SAFETY MATTER
(A notice at the Central Methodist Church, Todmorden. Submitted by Tim Benjamin)
Please do not remove mice
or keyboards. Look towards
the person who is speaking.
Only you can change your attitude:
think about word chunks you know.
What can you say
if you haven’t heard or understood?
You must build the tallest tower
to win the competition.
Text from notices pinned and projected on the walls of a classroom in Haverstock School, 9 July 2014. Submitted by Natalie Shaw.
If you can’t play,
If you can,
Do so quietly.
Sign on a piano in a used furniture store in Charleston, South Carolina. Submitted by Paul Bowers.
The look of
Sign in the Juniors department of Target, 1 March 2014. Submitted by J.R. Solonche.
I am the coat
I am the jumper
I am the coat
I am the jumper
I am the magic dress
Signs in the window of French Connection in Newcastle, spotted on the 17th October 2011. Submitted by Marika Rose.
No thieves, fakirs, rogues or tinkers
No skulking loafers or flea-bitten tramps
No slap an’ tickle o’ the wenches
No banging o’ tankards on the tables
No dogs allowed in the kitchen
Fintlocks, cudgels, daggers and swords
to be handed to
the innkeeper for safe-keeping.
A poster spotted in a pub in Berwick upon Tweed, 25th August 2011. Submitted by Marika Rose.
Naked people have
little or no influence
Mark Twain, quoted in ‘High and Mighty’ shop window in Newcastle, spotted 18 August 2011. A perfect senryu. Submitted by Marika Rose.
NO sisters and apsolutley NO brothers
Just for today
A notice blu-tacked to the sitting room door by my son, aged seven, 24 February 2011. It was half term. Submitted by Amy.
As far as possible, works
are to be carried out
in such a way that
kept to a minimum,
and at times which will minimise
the effect on
Footways and carriageways affected
by works are to be
kept in a
Hoardings, scaffolds, warning lights
and other features are to be
All work will be carried out safely
and in such a way that it will
other road users.
Special care will be taken to make sure that
pedestrians with sight,
mobility difficulties are
not inconvenienced or endangered
and that access is maintained for those
in wheelchairs or
The main contractor is to ensure that
others working on, or near the site,
maintain the standards of the Code of Practice.
By Huw, taken from a building site hoarding in Tower Hamlets, London, on the 5th June 2010.