Strumpet

hushed homes
dishevelled and stuck
with oxlips, primroses, cowslips, violets, and
TeenInPinkBikiniStrippingOnWebcam
manifoldness and steadfastness of the universe
is as truly whoring trade

From spam email, 24 January 2011. By Laura.

The Tip of the Bud of the Lotus

In a certain lake swarming with geese and cranes,
The tip of a bud of lotus was seen one span above the water.
Forced by the wind, it gradually moved, and was submerged at a distance of two cubits.
O mathematician, tell quickly the depth of the water.

Lilavati

There is something divine in the science
of numbers. Like God, it holds the sea
in the hollow of its hand. It measures
the earth; it weighs the stars; it illumines
the universe; it is law, it is order,
it is beauty. And yet we imagine
that its highest end and culminating point
is book-keeping by double entry.

From Longfellow’s novel Kavanagh, preceded by a translation from Bhaskaracharya’s 12th-century Sanskrit text Lilavati, via The Lumber Room.

Human scale

Houses are mostly arranged in
‘blocks’, with boundary walls
to streets, lanes and courts.

There are no large front gardens,
and the heights of the houses vary.
The resulting width of the streets

is narrower – though the ratio of
building height to street width is
not much different than elsewhere.

More in keeping with traditional
towns and villages of the area.
More in keeping with a human scale.

From a UK property developer’s design specification document. Submitted by Mark Antony Owen.

What did you talk about?

Early ambitions to work in the arts,
old cinemas, theatres and pubs,
home ownership,
Eddie Izzard’s theory on cat psychology;

Cubism, Aperol, synaesthesia,
the size of Yorkshire, Venice,
Harry Potter, Peggy Guggenheim,
marathon training, Glasgow, siblings,
sleeper trains, bleak landscapes,
the attentiveness of the staff,

plus sailing stories, basking sharks
and how ‘Jaws’ has traumatised
us both for life.

We had a lot in common.

Taken from a Guardian blind date interview 8 January 2010. By Rishi Dastidar.

The Mystery of Pittkapples Stone

Mrs. Gordon of Coneregie lies close
to the north dyke near the middle.
Miss Nans Leslie of Pittkapple
lies below Pittkapples stone.

Mr. George Mereson lies
at the south dyke at Mr Reid’s head.
Mr. Reid lies at the south side
of Pitfodle’s stone next to the dyke.

Mrs. Ann Allan or Cambell, wife
of ––– Allan, of the Coast Guard Station, Cove,
was buried second grave,
south of Bishop Grant’s grave.

Mr. John Goodsman, lies in the north
side of Isobel Gordon, close by her.
Mrs. Rankin lies at the head
of Bishop Grant’s, below a stone.

Bishop Grant lies in the middle
of west end of the Pittkapples stone.
For Pittkapples stone read Pittfodle’s.
Miss Wishart lies near the stone in the middle of it.

Mr. Alexander McNab was buried
in the Snow Churchyard with his daughter
in the grave next to Bishop Grant’s
stone on the north side.

James, infant son of Capt. Kyle,
was buried in the Snow Churchyard
in the grave betwixt Pitfodles
and Mr. Massie’s stone.

A child of Mr. McDonald lies
in the grave next to the north dyke
opposite Miss Rankin’s gravestone.
Bishop Geddes lies in Bishop Grant’s grave.

Miss Margaret Cruickshank lies
in the north side of Pittfodle’s stone
close by it. Mrs. Gordon,
his sister lies in his grave.

18th and 19th Century burial records for Snow Churchyard, Aberdeen.

This is the cow

This is the cow. She must be milked every morning so that she will produce milk and the milk must be boiled in order to be mixed with coffee to make coffee and milk.

Gabriel Garcia Marquez, ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’

The cow is a successful animal.
Also he is quadrupud, and because
he is female, he give milk, but will do
when he is got child. He is same like God,
sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
But he has got four legs together.
Two are forward and two are afterwards.

His motion is slow only because he
is of asitudinious species.
Also his other motion is useful
to trees, plants as well as making flat cakes
in hand and drying in the sun. Cow is
the only animal that extricates
his feeding after eating. Then afterwards
she chew with his teeth whom are situated
in the inside of the mouth. He is
incessantly in the meadows in the grass.

His only attacking and defending
organ is the horn, specially so when
he is got child. This is done by knowing
his head whereby he causes the weapons
to be paralleled to the ground of earth
and instantly proceed with velocity
forwards.

He has got tails also, but not
like similar animals. It has hairs
on the other end of the other side.
This is done to frighten away the flies
which alight on his cohoa body
whereupon he gives hit with it.

The palms
of his feet are soft unto the touch. So
the grasses head is not crushed. At night time
have poses by looking down on the ground
and he shouts his eyes like his relatives,
the horse does not do so. This is the cow.

From an essay on ‘the cow’ for the Indian Civil Services Exam.

Keep It Pimpin’

Get more serious about my money
and future. Treat this pimpin like its
a business only except their best.
Take care my bitches more better.

The other ways to work my hoes
internet, int. feature dancers, int. stuff.
Discover hoes from all over
Jail house, small cities, nationwide got hoes
that are waiting to be discovered.

Stay in high pursuit
looking for a prostitute.
Don’t never get too comfortable
or lazy in my position.

Maintain and campaign everything I do
or buy make sure it’s a campaign tool.
Make my word is my bond keep it pimpin!
Attend the Players Ball in Vegas
Cross country pimpin!
Establish my name internationally.

Take my game to the next level
from the concrete streets,
to the executive suites.
Pimp or die;
mack or cry
play to win
and plan to the end.

Set up a international operation
have five hoes on every continent,
make every hoe take a vow to hoeing!
Purse first, ass last!
If I’m gonna take a chance,
then I’m gonna take the hoes money in advance!

Put my city on the map and establish my own player
Stack money to the ceiling safety deposit box.
Cash cars buy alot good cash cars that way
I will always have cars if something goes bad.

Minimumize my budget cash cars, houses.
Keep a good photographer
split second video/kings flea market.
Get in touch with big Al out of Florida.

The business plan of a pimp presented by US prosecutors in Oakland.

In Case of a German

Between dog and wolf
– horse horse tiger tiger –
rabbit skins are falling.

A mute eating yellow lotus,
like a bee to a crying face;
thinking about the immortality of the crab.
It rains enough to drink while standing up.

The devil knows more for being old
than for being the devil. He’d steal 
your chickens and beg for eggs.
Speaking of Cao Cao, Cao Cao is here:
he’s trying to shit higher than his ass can reach.

Never say that priest is not my dad –
this ain’t my first rodeo.
Every creature that walks ends up in a grill.
If you are going to screw me, at least give me 
a kiss, oiling your moustache in anticipation
of the jackfruit tree bearing fruit.

Foreign sayings from other languages from the Reddit discussion culturally untranslatable phrases, started 3 December 2010.