The Mundane Mr Eggleston

They show us the grain of the present,
like the cross-section of a tree.

Old tyres, Dr Pepper machines,
discarded air-conditioners,
vending machines, empty and dirty
Coca-Cola bottles, torn posters,
power poles and power wires,
street barricades, one-way signs,
detour signs, No Parking signs,
parking meters and palm trees
crowding the same curb.

A dog trotting toward the camera;
a Moose lodge; a woman
standing by a rural road;
a row of country mailboxes;
a convenience store; the lobby
of a Krystal fast-food restaurant –
all of these ordinary scenes.

From the Wikipedia page for William Eggleston.

Harry Has Uses

Harry is developing good control
of his pencil movements.
He is working on counting up and back
in steps of twos and tens.
Harry enjoys spending time on
investigative sites on the computer
and is competent on the internet.

He likes to use clay and box modelling
to interpret his ideas. Harry
has developed a good understanding
of the past, present and future.
He has been keen to spend time on
developing the role-play area
into a bakery, resulting in
him producing some very good price lists.

Harry is one of a very few children
who have mastered the ropes in gymnastics.
He is now developing his target skills.

My son’s first school report, aged 5.

Lines Written Upon a Brassiere

One hundred way convertible bra,
the bra you can wear one hundred ways.
Wow! Infinite possibilities,
the only bra you’ll ever need.

Wear it as a plunge, two-strap, one-shoulder,
racerback, boatneck, crisscross front, halter –
and so many more! Comes with three
sets of straps: regular, clear
and a low back converter strap.

Provides added coverage for contour shaping.
Smooth, moulded, lightly lined under-wired cups,
with removable pads. One bra one hundred ways.
Customise your look with our life changing
one hundred way convertible bra.

The most versatile bra ever!
Simply insert straps into any of the
hidden eyelets for any look you want.
There’s now no excuse for showing straps!

Spotted on a BHS bra tag, June 2009. Submitted by Marika Rose.

St Agnes Smooth and Creamy

St Agnes
smooth and creamy with bananas
to the fore in aroma and taste.
Smoky malt overtones subside as
increasing bitterness dominates.

Comrade Bill Bartram’s Egalitarian
Anti-Imperialist Soviet Stout –

a bold and tasty Russian stout
with a mouthfilling, airy texture
and a lot of enjoyable, peppery,
bitter chocolate flavours.

Ported Porter –
an old-style porter.
Smooth and creamy,
spiked with port to
give it the flavour
of dark berries.

Eight Hundred Years of Innovation –
gruit ale, sweet gale, wormwood,
caraway and wild rosemary are used
to flavour this ale. It is said gruit ale
stimulates the mind, creates
euphoria and enhances sexual drive.

Golden Shower –
sorry, no tasting notes available.

Ales and their tasting notes from the 36th Cambridge Beer Festival Programme.

Subject: hi hi

i wonder if this will get to you, just
finished a 10am supervision and
did no work yet God gave me all this
clever stuff to say, me likes when
dat happens, it was on pidgins and creoles,
he he … prayer meet was good

for me when it is a hard prayer meeting
i enjoy it even more cos i just
say no way devil we are gonna pray v you
agagagagaggagagga my
latest idea stroke revelation is
that i wanna march round the market square

i have no real evidence why but i
think He has told me to do it, there was
an attack on a lesbian there and there
are normally a few fights in that area that is
probably not the worst area of town but that
does not mean it should not be done

…. hmm ask God and tell me what you fink

the ball is tonight with chocolate yummie,
last night was great i spoke on nehemiah
and said everything i needed to, i like
teaching it is cool and the word will now
produce the fruit and vision intended …
yeah yeah! These prayer meetings are so organic

and we are being taught how to do it
regularly I like to see things grow
and develop … we had brekky at King’s,
when are you free cos i wanna spend time
with you outside meetings?
how is your ikea house going?

i will pop in today and see it maybe

An email from a student friend, 2001.

Munch Love

Hi Lisa, I hope you became my E-mail
in December. How are you? I’m good.
My work is very bissy and not to easy.
The old people there are doing crasy thinks,
I have munch work and I need munch time
for the old people. But not every day
is the same, a little bit I like my shop.

At the moment, we have a 90 years old
lady in ouer home, and she is so sweet
and friendly, I like her so munch. She is full
of Love with Jesus, sometimes I go to her
and we talk over Jesus, over her
interesting life its so nice. She pray for me
and for the old people in ouer home.
She is lovly.

Mario and me, we are happy.
Its good to see him daily, it isnt boring
with him and we get along well.
I seed your a picture of Mario and me.
Can you send Helen a lot of since
and also Gabriel and Esme and little
Harry. And can ask Helen have she became
my cake to Christmas Thanks. I hope I hear
from you.

An email from a German girl after her visit to England, 2004.

First, Born

Hi Mary it’s Jayne here.
I just got off the ward for five minutes
to give a few people a ring and get some
fresh air ’cause it’s really horrible stale
smelly milk breath in that ward and um

everything’s okay really but in another way
it’s not ’cause Zoe’s not feeding well at all
and it’s probably my knockers or something
I don’t know but if you could pray because she’s
hungry and she’s mad and she’s really mad
and she’s nice as well I think you might quite like her

but she is a bit of a hairy old munter
so bring some scissors and we can do some
girl’s world stuff on her if you want
and um but I don’t know how long
I’m going to be here but I’ll speak to you soon,
bye.

Voice message from a friend who had just given birth, April 2002.