Floral Tributes

The alternative is to
Pick tributes from your garden.
Seasonal wreathes, using ivy,
Berries and autumn colours
Look beautiful.
Foliage is always available
Even if there are no blooms.
Some families
Simply supply all the mourners
With a single seasonal bloom
To place upon the coffin.
Others choose a sprig of rosemary
That can be dropped into the grave.
The possibilities are endless.

From The Natural Death Handbook, 5th edition. Submitted by Karen JK Hart.

Swimming a Horse

During seasons of high water, men,
in traversing the plains,
often encounter rivers which rise above
the fording stage, and remain in that condition
for many days, and to await the falling of the water
might involve a great loss of time.

If the traveler be alone, his only way is
to swim his horse; but if he retains
the seat on his saddle,
his weight presses the animal
down into the water,
and cramps his movements very sensibly.

It is a much better plan
to attach a cord to the bridle bit,
and drive him into the stream; then,
seizing his tail, allow him to tow you across.
If he turns out of the course, or attempts to turn back,
he can be checked with the cord, or
by splashing water at his head.

If the rider remains in the saddle,
he should allow the horse to have a loose
rein, and never pull upon it
except when necessary to guide.
If he wishes to steady himself, he can
lay hold upon the mane.

From The Prairie Traveler by Randolph B. Marcy (Perigree Books, 1994, first pub. 1859), pp.62-63. Marcy, a U.S. army captain, wrote the guide at the request of the U.S. War Department. Submitted by Alexa.

Bunny Mother

1

Bunnies are not permitted
to chew gum or eat while on duty.
Bunnies are not permitted
to drink alcoholic beverages
in the Club at any time.
Bunnies are not permitted
to drink soft drinks, lemonade
or even water in view of keyholders
and guests, but may drink these
nonalcoholic beverages behind the scenes.

Fifty dollars is paid to the finder
for the first Bunny she has referred.
The referred Bunny must be employed
for ninety calendar days.

Seventy-five dollars is paid to the finder
for the second Bunny she has referred …
Referred Bunny must be employed
for ninety calendar days.

One hundred dollars is paid to the finder
for the third Bunny she has referred …
Referred Bunny must be employed
for ninety calendar days.

Bunnies will keep the dressing room clean
and neat at all times.

2

General Manager, he’s head man of your hutch.
Bunny Mother, she’ll hire and train you,
coordinate your hours and supervise your work.

Overstaying break
(for each minute over limit),
one demerit (per minute).

Five to ten minutes, five demerits.
Eleven to fifteen minutes, six demerits.
Sixteen to twenty minutes, seven demerits.

Improper Appearance, such as:
unkept hair, improper makeup
(including too pale lipstick),
improper costume, unmatched
or shabby shoes, dirty
or unpolished fingernails,
five demerits.

Bunny ears not worn in center of head,
bent incorrectly, reporting without nameplate,
penlight, lighter or cash for cigarettes,
bikini panties showing or not worn,
unkept tail,
five demerits.

Bad Service, Improper Procedure, such as:
Not doing Bunny Dip,
not keeping tables clean,
not changing ashtrays,
five demerits.

Improper Conduct, such as:
Drinking any liquid in view of patrons,
chewing gum or eating in view of patrons,
infingement of smoking rules,
ten demerits.

Failure to attend Bunny Meeting,
twenty-five demerits.

The accumulation of thirty-five demerits
results in a personal interview
with the Bunny Mother.

3

Do arrive on time and look
your loveliest with your hair styled,
your nails freshly manicured
and your Bunny costume clean.

Do smile and be personable
to all those with whom you come into contact
during a promotional appearance.

Do stay in the company of a mixed
group, a couple or chaperone at all times.

Don’t date the sponsor
of a promotion or someone
you meet at this promotion
while you are at a given promotion
for the specific promotional assignment.

Don’t allow yourself to be
in a situation where complications arise.

Although we do not in any way try
to control your behaviour away from the club,
you must always conduct yourself
in a manner that can only bring credit
to your job and the other Bunnies
with whom you work.

(twist, watusi, bugaloo, etc
are examples of acceptable dances)

If you are doing a good job,
obeying the rules and giving
the gracious good service you are taught,
you need not concern yourself
about the fact that you are
from time to time shopped
by a shopping service representative.

Insubordination, fifteen demerits.

4

IN ALL CASES WHEN A BUNNY IS SMOKING
SHE IS TO TAKE A PUFF AND SET
THE CIGARETTE IN AN ASHTRAY.
BUNNIES ARE NOT TO STAND OR SIT
HOLDING A CIGARETTE.

5

Good grooming starts with a daily bath
and good deodorant.

It is up to each Bunny to make sure
that a situation never occurs when
she does not have a clean, well fitting costume
including matching ears and shoes, clean
and fluffy cottontail, immaculate cuffs and collar,
proper hose, regulation undergarments,
Playboy cuff links, nameplate and bow tie.

Wigs and hair-pieces
can be a Bunny’s best friend.

Keep in mind that our dimly lit rooms require
evening, glamour makeup for maximum flattery.
Skillful eye makeup includes the use
of shadow, liner and false lashes;
lipstick must be bright, vivid and highlighted
by lip-gloss to avoid a washed-out look.

Hose should be rinsed in cold water
and refrigerated before wearing
for extra service. To relieve tired feet,
soak them in a solution of epsom salt
and warm water for one half hour,
then elevate feet. Massage your legs
with an upward motion from ankles to thighs.
Try rolling your feet over an empty coke bottle.
Arch your back during costume fitting
for best possible fit.

The Bunny Mother has an open-door policy
and is always happy to talk with you.

Taken from The Playboy Club Bunny Manual, 1968. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

For When the Numbers Don’t Speak for Themselves


Imagine
a typical reader
looking over your shoulder as you write,
and reacting to your words.
Try to keep this reader interested,
intrigued,
but not baffled.
Try and make
a continuous chain of written thought. Do not
lurch
from
one topic to
another without adequate introduction or
ration-
ale. ‘Discontinuity’ and jumps
in
ex-
po-
si-
tion
are off-putting to your
readers. Hence clear
organisation is very helpful, to the
reader and to the
writer. Unless it is very short,
divide your work
into sections, each dealing
with a CLEARLY IDENTIFIED SUBDIVISION of your topic.
Begin by saying what the project is about;

do not give the impression of grinding to a halt because you can not think of anything more to say.


By Kat(i)e, 6 June 2009. Writing advice in a final year undergraduate project handbook put together by Bristol University Maths Department. Kat(i)e used ellipsis to represent omitted text.