Custom Dictionary

Aaaargh
aaargh
Arse

Bakewell
Baldy
buggeration
Bunnyface

colposcopy
Columbus
Cressida
Cumbria
Didsbury
Dimbleby
Duffer
dunno

Eon
Ecton
Er…

fab
FAB
Facebook
fishcake
fuck’em
Fulham

Gawain
goblins
got’em
grrr

haiku
hardcore
hubris
huzzah!

id
Ikea
Ingerland

jetlagged
Jodrell
Jonathan
Jonks

Kendrick
Kevinless
kissed

Lavinia
Lesbiana
Liverpuddle
luvverly

m’dear
Macaulay
Merseyside
Me
mercies
miseries
mockingbird
Monterey

narrowboats
needlecraft
nob

Orla
ooh
Oooh
ORLA
Ovaltine
ovulating

PDFs
PMS
PJs
pissed
podcast
poeting
pootling
Prokoviev
Psychicbread
quilting
Quorn

ravishing
Rayleigh
rehydrated
revelatory
RSPB
RSVP

Sadlergate
Sandiway
Sandringham
Sarge
Sauvignon
Sellotape
sleepyhead
sparrowfart

Tamworth
Tesco
thingybob
Thinkpad
tinternet
tirribly
topsy
Tupperware
turvy
Um…

undelete
Undercliffe

vengeful
vergers

weirdly
Whitby

whooping
whortleberries

Xanthe
Xmas

yay
!

From the custom dictionary on my phone – these are all the words my phone has learnt from me. By Jo Bell.

Fifteen Minutes More

Our French dream is over . . .
and now I fear for our
happy marriage, says
Lauren Booth.

Lauren Booth: I changed my
Facebook profile after
a row and now my husband
is in a coma.

I asked him: ‘Do you know
who I am?’ reveals
Lauren Booth as her husband
emerges from a coma.

Lauren Booth thanks God her
husband survived a
horrific motorbike
accident but confesses:
The man I loved is dead.

Lauren Booth wrote about
dumping her husband on
Facebook and his terrible
road accident but now
her mother-in-law asks:
Why can’t we keep
this in the family?

Lauren Booth: why I hate
my mother and never
want to see her again.


Daily Mail headlines collected by Lost in Showbiz, 28 October 2010. By Marika Rose.

Last in Translucent

Even the Euro
began pouring into play to
many, leading. Them, they were not realising. You
don’t recognise your new problems.
Ridiculed in six weeks prior.
I live, come together and help each other.
The people make nearly all of our racquetball a Guerrier Gordon
show.
I’m just a troll and eastern European
multi-area –
are you good at that?
Seven as the sun.
Ronald book on Dearing committee
once upon
or start flooding in to Western Europe.

Your
store
asking questions take the altered
e.g. the Tories blame rather half
crosses on grounds of grown ups, windows monuments
he rose to the person.

The result of using new dictation software for the very first time to transcribe an interview, 18 November 2010. Almost none of the words are correct. By Rachel Helen Smith.

Adventually

Make christmas pictures. Make christmas toy lists.
Ete mints pies. Decorate bedroom and hotel.
Dress up toys. Reef up. Watch mupits christmas
charle. Make Santa’s house out of lego.

Make christmas cards. Christmas tree or read
christmas story. Watch Narnea. Watch Shreck
the holls. An activity scene out.
Dressing gouns on. Deckarate tree. Play games.

Rein dear sweet thing. Dress Atticus up
as Jeses. Make crackers and biscits.
Play in the snow if there is any.
Take pictures of Robings. Sing Rudeof

the red knose Raindear. Put stockings out.
Put mints pies and drink for Santa.

An advent calendar of 24 things to do before Christmas made by my 7-year-old. Penned 26 October 2010.

Effed Up

Find more friends.
More friends are waiting.

These five friends
found their friends using
the Facebook Friend Finder.
Have you found
all of your friends?
Give it a try.

Find friends

Facebook microcopy, 9 October 2010.

All Stand to Sing

VERSE 1
Great man, who descended from heaven
Great man, who is a man of deeds.
Savior, supreme leader of the nation
Guiding star of the 21st century.

CHORUS
Leader, great leader,
Great sun of the 21st Century.
Father, beloved father,
Bright Sun of the 21st Century.

VERSE 2
Dear leader, who is a perfect incarnation
of the appearance that a leader should have.
Wise leader, father of the nation,
Father of the people, great sun of life.

CHORUS…

VERSE 3
Beloved and respected father
Great defender, sun of the nation.
Beloved and respected leader,
Fate of the nation, guiding ray of sun.

CHORUS… x2

An evangelical chorus from the official names of Kim Jong-Il.