A Prayer for Skeletons

1.

Father, thank you for today.
Thank you that you made us
and that you love us.

I pray that Theo and Huxley
won’t be afraid of anything:
not monsters or dinosaurs,
noises or the dark,
aliens or skeletons
(or pirates),
school or nursery.

Or anything they’ve read in a book
or seen in a film.

I pray that they will sleep really well
and have good dreams not bad dreams.

In Jesus’ name, amen.

2.

You didn’t say pirates
I did say pirates.
You didn’t say skeletons
I did say skeletons.

You didn’t say football club
You’re not scared of football club.
I am. You’re not going to football club
for another four sleeps.

You didn’t say nursery
I did but just for you,
help him not be scared of nursery
amen now go to sleep.

The prayer my sons make me say every night before bed, and the typical conversation that ensues.

The Love Song of I. Buprofen

If you suffer from any of the following
at any time during your treatment
stop taking the medicine and seek
immediate medical help:

Pass blood in your faeces.
Pass black tarry stools.
Vomit any blood or dark particles
that look like coffee grounds.
Develop a stiff neck, headache, nausea,
vomiting, fever and disorientation.

Stop taking the medicine and
tell your doctor if you experience:

Indigestion or heartburn.
Abdominal pains (pains in your stomach)
or other abnormal stomach symptoms.
Asthma, shortness of breath, skin rash,
itching or swelling of the face and tongue.

Fever, sore throat, mouth ulcers,
flu-like symptoms, severe exhaustion,
unexplained bleeding or bruising.

Other side effects that some patients
have had with ibuprofen include:

Stomach discomfort,
diarrhoea,
flatulence (wind),
constipation,
headache, dizziness,
vertigo, tinnitus

(ringing in the ears),

fluid retention,
high blood pressure,
visual disturbances,
feeling unwell,
tiredness and drowsiness,
sleeping problems,
nervousness, numbness
and tingling,

confusion, hallucinations and depression,
swelling of the feet and occasionally
blistering or flaking of the skin.

It has been known for Ibuprofen
to cause gastro-intestinal disturbances
such as abdominal pain, nausea,
vomiting or ulcers. Ibuprofen
can make colitis and Crohn’s disease worse.

Very rarely,
blood in the urine,
kidney damage or
even failure,
liver damage
(including jaundice,
with yellowing of
the skin or eyes),
blood disorders or
sensitivity
to light may occur.

Some patients with
auto-immune disorders
(such as lupus)
have experienced a
kind of meningitis
(inflammation
of the brain) with
symptoms such as
stiff neck, headache,
nausea, vomiting,
fever or disorientation.

If you experience any other
unusual or unexpected symptoms
which persist or are troublesome,
consult your doctor or pharmacist.

If you experience
dizziness, drowsiness,
tiredness or problems with vision,
do not drive or
operate machinery.

Medicines such as Ibuprofen
tablets may be associated with
a small risk of heart attack
(“myocardial infarction”)

or stroke.

From the Patient Information Leaflet for Ibuprofen Tablets BP 200mg, bought from the Co-op last week.

up4it

I spoke2Safia,
She was well up4it,
But timings r gonna b tricky.
The kids go2bed@10/11!

She said
She could
Change their bedtime4our class,
I don’t think that’s practical!

The kids r away
@their dads4most
of the w/end…
We could change
Times@the w/end
Dependin,
Coz she’s flexible.

What do u think?

Text from a friend, 1 April 2009. Submitted by Liz.

Spam #2

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Text from a spam email, 2004.

Burnt Sugar

Like Aphrodite emerging
from the foaming ocean,

this caramel treat is the
grown-ups-only love-god
of our crumbly fudge-pantheon.

More simply: a sprinkle
of sea salt accentuates
the caramel-iness of
caramel and
results in loveliness.

Naturally naughty, melt-in-the-mouth-y,
born from copper pans and roaring flames.

From some fudge packaging, 2009. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Modern Life

Scientific researches determined
that
the main reason of family conflicts
is
hidden in the sex relations.

Modern life doesn’t leave energy till night,
so
bigger part of male population
can’t
satisfy their wives.

But you

An entire email spam message, 2009.