Left behind

A Jimmy Choo
Cinderella shoe.
A Pomsky
dog called Beyoncé.
An ice-cream cart,
a birth chart
and tarot reading.
A pair of six-foot angel wings.

A Roland drum kit,
an Angora rabbit
called Thumper, an Islamic
marriage certificate.
The bride’s pet lovebirds, Will and Kate,
which she was supposed to take
to the ceremony.
A GT V8 Bentley
A huge inflatable
unicorn pool float,
a banana boat.
A telescope.

A DJI Phantom drone
and a coin collection started nine decades ago.

(From dogs to drones)

Set upon the étagère

Aftercare, agate ware
air-to-air, antiair
anywhere, arctic hare
Asian pear, bayadere
bêche-de-mer, Belgian hare
billionaire, boutonniere
bring to bear, camel hair
Camembert, captain’s chair.

Chinaware, compressed air
county fair, crackleware
Croix de Guerre, debonair
de la Mare, derriere
disrepair, doctrinaire
earthenware, easy chair
en plein air, everywhere
fighting chair, flying mare.

Fourragère, Frigidaire
germ warfare, get somewhere
graniteware, grizzly bear
here and there, hide or hair
hollowware, ice-cream chair
in one’s hair, in the air
ironware, jasperware
kitchenware, La Bruyère.

Lacquerware, laissez-faire
Latin square, legionnaire
lion’s share, Little Bear
love affair, luminaire
lusterware, magic square
mal de mer, managed care
market share, Medicare
metalware, millionaire.

Minaudière, miter square
Mon-Khmer, morris chair
Mousquetaire, nom de guerre
on the square, open-air
otherwhere, outerwear
overbear, overwear
perfect square, plasticware
polar bear, potty-chair.

Porte cochere, prickly pear
questionnaire, rivière
Robespierre, rocking chair
savoir faire, science fair
self-aware, self-despair
silverware, slipper chair
snowshoe hare, solar flare.

Solitaire, swivel chair
tear one’s hair, then and there
thoroughfare, trench warfare
unaware, underwear
vaporware, vivandière
wash-and-wear, water bear
wear and tear, willowware
woodenware, world premiere
yellowware, zillionaire.

From a list of words that rhyme with étagère on the Merriam Webster online dictionary, 31 January 2013. Submitted by Steph Dempsey.

Model Code

Flick yer bean
For Agyness Deyn
Give us a blow
Daisy Lowe

Wham bam
Thank you Stam
My flies are undone
Lily Donaldson

I’m a tosser
For Coco Rocha
Fancy a screw
Behati Prinsloo

Do me daily
Christoper Bailey
Cause me pain
Hedi Slimane

Gareth Pugh
My legs are crossed
Georgia Frost

Grab my weiner
Give us a backhander
Rachel Alexander

Let’s play naked Twister
Linda Evangelista
You would if you could
Cindy Crawford

I’ll show you who’s boss
Kate Moss
I’ve got more than a handful
For Naomi Campbell

Who needs a husband?
I’ve got House of Holland

T-shirt slogans from House of Holland’s AW07 collection (under Catwalk>AW07 on the site). Submitted by Marika Rose.

My Name Is

president. Jesse
Boston. Merry
Chicago. Max
Chicago. Della
Chicago. Hollie
San Bernardino.

Cambridge. Dick
and his son Dick
Junior, San Diego.
and his daughter Penny,
San Francisco.

Some of the members of the My-Name-Is-A-Poem Club, founded by journalist EV Durling in the 1940s. Found on Futility Closet. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Application to renew the photo on a driving licence

Be taken of the full head. Be
in sharp focus and clear. Be free
of any reflection
or glare from glasses. Have been taken
in the last month and be a true
likeness of you.
Not have any shadow in it. Be
a colour photo (we
will not accept black and white
photos). Be taken against a light
grey or cream background. Not be
damaged, torn or marked. Be free
from redeye.

Not have anything covering your face.
Not wear a hat or head covering unless
this is for a medical or
religious reason. Be facing for-
ward and looking straight at the camera. Have your
eyes open. Look natural but without expression
(your mouth should be closed, you should not be grinning,
frowning or raising your eyebrows). Not wear
sunglasses, tinted glasses or have your hair
across your eyes. Not wear
glasses if the frames cover your
eyes (we recommend that you remove your


These are the standards for UK driving licence photos according to the application form. The first stanza is: ‘Your photo must…’, the second: ‘You must…’. I have changed the list order but nothing else. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.

Alan to Zoe

Alan, Alfie, Ami,
Benedict, Clementine, Eilidh.
Gemma, Georgia,
Huxley, Isaac, Joseph, Leah,
Liam, Macie, Marika.
Mateus, Matthew,
Muadh, Niuniu,
Risha, Seungji, Shilo.
Tamzin, Taslima, Tyan,

My son has just started school. This list contains the first names of all his classmates (memorised from their pegs). He’s having trouble remembering them. Submitted by Gabriel Smy.


Founded in 188-
6, we
are an independent family
business, dedicated to the pleasures of good tea
and coffee.

In every
cup of our tea
you can taste the skill, creativity
and craftsmanship of our tea
blenders. We
visit tea
estates personally
to select only
the finest sea-
sonal hand-plucked teas.

By investing in long term partnerships and paying fair prices, we
are able to make a positive difference to the quality
of our teas

and the lives of the growers.

From the packaging of Taylors of Harrogate Delicate Green Tea. Seen 27 March 2009. Submitted by Marika Rose.