Author: gabrielsmy

Stream

Lynsey Peterson likes we want
a Scottish flag on Facebook.

Anna Hammond Сака ли некој
да одиме во парк денес?

Rebecca Grohl commented on her own 
status: Ich bin eigentlich ueberfluess…

Luke Southey is listening to
Que Veux-Tu by Yell on Spotify.

Clive Law commented on Peter Meadow’s
status: I always put too much red wine…

Natalie Southey and Ruth Garcia-Lopez
are now friends.

Russell Goodwin OMG!

From my Facebook friends latest activity notifications on 17 October 2011, in the exact order in which they appeared.

Beneath Us

For it is brought home to you, at least
while you are watching, that it is only
because miners sweat their guts out that
superior persons can remain superior.
You and I and the editor of the Times
Literary Sup., and the Nancy poets
and the Archbishop of Canterbury
and Comerade X, author of Marxism
for Infants–all of us really owe the
comparative decency of our lives
to poor drudges underground, blackened
to the eyes, with their throats full
of coal dust, driving their shovels forward
with arms and belly muscles of steel.

From George Orwell’s ‘The Road to Wigan Pier’ (1937) as cited on Fors Clavigera. By Marika Rose.

Brooklyn, Brooklyn

You live very self-consciously, in Brooklyn.
Do you drink juice or coffee or eat
vegetables? How do you live with yourself
and your bourgeois lifestyle choices? Have you
ever grown a plant?

You monster,
you gentrifying Brooklyn monster.

Your plant is a symbol. Punch that up
on your sushi iPhone app where you get
your food from in your new robot Brooklyn
dystopia, you invasive specie.

Do you like quirky things?

It’s people
like you who are ruining the Brooklyn
remembered by old folks who sit on stoops
and provide readily available
sound bites about the days of old.

From the article Brooklyn is cool until you start reading about it.

You just can’t pitch behind

I had my at ‘em ball going today.
We’ve got to have fun. The catcher and I
were on the same wavelength. That’s why they pay
him x million dollars. Give the guy

some credit; he hit a good pitch. Yes. No.
You saw it … write it. You’re only as good
as your last game. I just wanted to go
as hard as I could as long as I could.

That All-Star voting is a joke. It takes
twenty-four players. I couldn’t have done it
without my teammates. With a couple breaks,
we win that game. I don’t get paid to hit.

Hey, we were due to catch a break or two.
I did my best, and that’s all I can do.

From Futility Closet: ‘In 1990, weary of repetitive interviews, Phillies pitcher Don Carman posted this list of responses on his locker. “You saw the game,” he told reporters. “Take what you need.”’

No Comment

A large percentage of what you claim
happens to be astonishingly accurate
and it makes me ponder why I hadn’t
looked at this in this light previously.

This article really did turn the light
on for me as far as this specific
subject goes. But there is one point I am
not necessarily too cozy with

so whilst I make an effort to reconcile
that with the main theme of your point, permit
me to see exactly what all the rest
of your visitors have to point out.

A spam comment from the blog SmyWord.

DEAR COMPETENT

There are a lot of secret camera which
in my house,
in my toilet,
in my bedroom,
in my bathroom,
at my clothes
and in my eye glasses
from 2002 until now.
In turkey businessman
Yahya and his son Avni
spy me seven days and twenty-four hours.

I apply to public prosecutor
at many times.
But public prosecutor of turkey doesn’t
do something until now.

They know where I am
and my life is in hell
by the Yahya and Fetullah’s friends

they put urine of bottle on my road.
somebody drives car direct on me.
somebody threaten me sometimes.

I always see disabled human on my road.
thus they destroy my psychology.
prostitute always disturb me.
somebody blaspheme to my father and mother.
A lot of people laugh to me.

This psychology war
are done by Yahya in 2002-2006.
from the 2007 this psychology war
is done by the Fetullah and newspaper’s man
which name is Zaman.
Fetullah’s friends threaten me
everytime.

I apply to prime minister TAYYİP,
president of the republic ABDULLAH,
Office of the prosecutor,
justice minister
and police department,

All of them didn’t do anything.
I want you to help me.

YOURS FAİTHFULLY

Bizarre email spam received on 26 September 2011, with last names removed to allow for the slim possibility that these are real people. By Tom Cashman.

Mine Host

No thieves, fakirs, rogues or tinkers
No skulking loafers or flea-bitten tramps
No slap an’ tickle o’ the wenches
No banging o’ tankards on the tables
No dogs allowed in the kitchen
No cockfighting

Fintlocks, cudgels, daggers and swords
to be handed to
the innkeeper for safe-keeping.

A poster in a pub in Berwick upon Tweed, 25 August 2011. By Marika Rose.