up4it

I spoke2Safia,
She was well up4it,
But timings r gonna b tricky.
The kids go2bed@10/11!

She said
She could
Change their bedtime4our class,
I don’t think that’s practical!

The kids r away
@their dads4most
of the w/end…
We could change
Times@the w/end
Dependin,
Coz she’s flexible.

What do u think?

Text from a friend, 1 April 2009. Submitted by Liz.

Tea-hee

Founded in 188-
6, we
are an independent family
business, dedicated to the pleasures of good tea
and coffee.

In every
cup of our tea
you can taste the skill, creativity
and craftsmanship of our tea
blenders. We
visit tea
estates personally
to select only
the finest sea-
sonal hand-plucked teas.

By investing in long term partnerships and paying fair prices, we
are able to make a positive difference to the quality
of our teas

and the lives of the growers.

From the packaging of Taylors of Harrogate Delicate Green Tea, March 2009. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Spam #2

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and you wish it had shot out?
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Text from a spam email, 2004.

Burnt Sugar

Like Aphrodite emerging
from the foaming ocean,

this caramel treat is the
grown-ups-only love-god
of our crumbly fudge-pantheon.

More simply: a sprinkle
of sea salt accentuates
the caramel-iness of
caramel and
results in loveliness.

Naturally naughty, melt-in-the-mouth-y,
born from copper pans and roaring flames.

From some fudge packaging, 2009. Submitted by Marika Rose.

Subject: hi hi

i wonder if this will get to you, just
finished a 10am supervision and
did no work yet God gave me all this
clever stuff to say, me likes when
dat happens, it was on pidgins and creoles,
he he … prayer meet was good

for me when it is a hard prayer meeting
i enjoy it even more cos i just
say no way devil we are gonna pray v you
agagagagaggagagga my
latest idea stroke revelation is
that i wanna march round the market square

i have no real evidence why but i
think He has told me to do it, there was
an attack on a lesbian there and there
are normally a few fights in that area that is
probably not the worst area of town but that
does not mean it should not be done

…. hmm ask God and tell me what you fink

the ball is tonight with chocolate yummie,
last night was great i spoke on nehemiah
and said everything i needed to, i like
teaching it is cool and the word will now
produce the fruit and vision intended …
yeah yeah! These prayer meetings are so organic

and we are being taught how to do it
regularly I like to see things grow
and develop … we had brekky at King’s,
when are you free cos i wanna spend time
with you outside meetings?
how is your ikea house going?

i will pop in today and see it maybe

An email from a student friend, 2001.

Modern Life

Scientific researches determined
that
the main reason of family conflicts
is
hidden in the sex relations.

Modern life doesn’t leave energy till night,
so
bigger part of male population
can’t
satisfy their wives.

But you

An entire email spam message, 2009.

Munch Love

Hi Lisa, I hope you became my E-mail
in December. How are you? I’m good.
My work is very bissy and not to easy.
The old people there are doing crasy thinks,
I have munch work and I need munch time
for the old people. But not every day
is the same, a little bit I like my shop.

At the moment, we have a 90 years old
lady in ouer home, and she is so sweet
and friendly, I like her so munch. She is full
of Love with Jesus, sometimes I go to her
and we talk over Jesus, over her
interesting life its so nice. She pray for me
and for the old people in ouer home.
She is lovly.

Mario and me, we are happy.
Its good to see him daily, it isnt boring
with him and we get along well.
I seed your a picture of Mario and me.
Can you send Helen a lot of since
and also Gabriel and Esme and little
Harry. And can ask Helen have she became
my cake to Christmas Thanks. I hope I hear
from you.

An email from a German girl after her visit to England, 2004.

First, Born

Hi Mary it’s Jayne here.
I just got off the ward for five minutes
to give a few people a ring and get some
fresh air ’cause it’s really horrible stale
smelly milk breath in that ward and um

everything’s okay really but in another way
it’s not ’cause Zoe’s not feeding well at all
and it’s probably my knockers or something
I don’t know but if you could pray because she’s
hungry and she’s mad and she’s really mad
and she’s nice as well I think you might quite like her

but she is a bit of a hairy old munter
so bring some scissors and we can do some
girl’s world stuff on her if you want
and um but I don’t know how long
I’m going to be here but I’ll speak to you soon,
bye.

Voice message from a friend who had just given birth, April 2002.