Tag: Gabriel Smy

Application to renew the photo on a driving licence

Be in sharp focus and clear.
Be taken of the full head. Not wear

glasses if the frames cover your eyes. Be
a colour photo (we

will not accept black and white).
Be taken against a light

grey or cream background. Not be
damaged, torn or marked. Be free

from redeye. Be facing for-
ward and looking straight. Have your

eyes open. Be free of any reflection or glare.
Not wear sunglasses, or have your hair

across your eyes. Be a true
likeness of you.

From the standards for UK driving licence photos according to the application form.

"Lima Delta"

November. Zulu Hotel, Quebec.
Oscar tango Juliet, echo foxtrot.
Yankee papa – golf, whiskey.

India sierra. Alfa Romeo.
Uniform xray “Victor” Mike
– kilo charlie.

Bravo.

Making a story out of the NATO phonetic alphabet. Lima Delta is a derogatory term in the military.

A thousand kim

Police, police, Henry and Frankie.
Oh, oh, dog biscuits and when he
is happy he doesn’t get snappy.

I am a pretty good pretzler.
Winifred. Department of Justice.
I even get it from the department.

Please, I had nothing with him.
He was a cowboy in one
of the seven-days-a-week fight.

There are only ten of us. There ten million
fighting somewhere of you, so get your onions up
and we will throw up the truce flag.

No payrolls, no walls, no coupons.
That would be entirely out.
Oh, sir, get the doll a roofing.

The sidewalk was in trouble and the bears
were in trouble and I broke it up.
A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kim.

Please crack down on the Chinaman’s friends
and Hitler’s commander. I am sure and I am going up
and I am going to give you honey if I can.

I am half crazy. They won’t let me get up.
They dyed my shoes. Open those shoes.
Give me something. I am so sick.

I will settle the indictment. Come on,
open the soap duckets. The chimney sweeps.
Talk to the sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth!

Please help me up, Henry. Max, come over
here. French-Canadian bean soup.
I want to pay. Let them leave me alone.

The final words of New York gangster Dutch Shultz, dying from a gunshot wound, 1935.

The Storee of The Soc pupiTs

5.12.09

Along time ago
There livd a soc pupit
And he lovd chocolate.

But wen he open The cubud
There was no chocolate.

Sow The soc pupit went To The shops
But in The shops
They had rund out.

sow the Soc pupit went bac home
wiv no chocolate.

he lookt on the Top shelf
And he sor
A chocolate Bar.

The End

A story for my birthday, written by my 6-year-old.

Copenhagen

and as i wrote the previous entry
my battery goes dead and obama walks past
with a very grim expression, everyone
thought he was storming out but no
he’d just been in talks with the chinese.
just now a french delegate tells me that
brazil has stormed out of the talks.
this is all so sad. still peace and goodwill
to all men. love and understanding.
just no more business as usual ok??
this is all starting to really feel like
some enormous vaguely pointless corporate expo.

Thom Yorke on the Radiohead blog, 18 December 2009, reporting from the UN Climate Change Conference.

Looking back

Ten years ago. Stock takers; thieves in Hexham
resorted to extreme measures to avoid
punishment, by stealing a set of stocks
and a pillory from outside the Old Gaol.

Fifty years ago. Head case; A thief stole the
shrunken head of a South American Indian
from a wall of the Fox and Hounds in Whitley
Chapel, where Fred Gazzani was landlord.

Seventy-five years ago. In the dark;
Defying the wishes of the parish
and county councils, a packed meeting
voted against a scheme to install
electric lighting in Allendale.

One hundred and twenty-five years ago.
Carte blanche; Hexham labourer George Wilson
was fined five shillings for not having a name
on a cart he was using on the highway.

From the ‘Looking Back’ column in the Hexham Courant, Friday 29 May 2009.

I want to

I want to die.

I want to break free
lyrics. I want to be anorexic.

I want to break free.
I want to be skinny; I want
to be a model.

I want to be thin.
I want to lose weight; I want
to know what love is

lyrics. I want
to get pregnant.

Google autosuggestions for the search term ‘I want to’, September 2009.

Sixteen Degrees

Most agents report
to a district group manager who reports
to a branch chief who reports
to an assistant chief of their division who reports
to the assistant district director who reports
to the assistant regional commissioner who reports
to the regional commissioner who reports
to the chief of staff to a deputy assistant commissioner in Washington who reports
to the deputy assistant commissioner who reports
to the assistant commissioner who reports
to the chief operating officer who reports
to the deputy commissioner of the IRS who reports
to the commissioner who reports
to the Deputy Secretary of the Treasury who reports
to the Secretary who finally reports
to the President.

The IRS hierarchy, according to a public policy director before the Senate Finance Committee, 11 February 1998.