Verbatim found poetry is an intriguing collection of found poems. Poems found in ordinary, and not so ordinary places. Submit yours.
Houses are mostly arranged in
‘blocks’, with boundary walls
to streets, lanes and courts.
There are no large front gardens,
and the heights of the houses vary.
The resulting width of the streets
is narrower – though the ratio of
building height to street width is
not much different than elsewhere.
More in keeping with traditional
towns and villages of the area.
More in keeping with a human scale.
From a UK property developer’s design specification document. Submitted by Mark Antony Owen.
Mrs. Gordon of Coneregie lies close
to the north dyke near the middle.
Miss Nans Leslie of Pittkapple
lies below Pittkapples stone.
Mr. George Mereson lies
at the south dyke at Mr Reid’s head.
Mr. Reid lies at the south side
of Pitfodle’s stone next to the dyke.
Mrs. Ann Allan or Cambell, wife
of ––– Allan, of the Coast Guard Station, Cove,
was buried second grave,
south of Bishop Grant’s grave.
Mr. John Goodsman, lies in the north
side of Isobel Gordon, close by her.
Mrs. Rankin lies at the head
of Bishop Grant’s, below a stone.
Bishop Grant lies in the middle
of west end of the Pittkapples stone.
For Pittkapples stone read Pittfodle’s.
Miss Wishart lies near the stone in the middle of it.
Mr. Alexander McNab was buried
in the Snow Churchyard with his daughter
in the grave next to Bishop Grant’s
stone on the north side.
James, infant son of Capt. Kyle,
was buried in the Snow Churchyard
in the grave betwixt Pitfodles
and Mr. Massie’s stone.
A child of Mr. McDonald lies
in the grave next to the north dyke
opposite Miss Rankin’s gravestone.
Bishop Geddes lies in Bishop Grant’s grave.
Miss Margaret Cruickshank lies
in the north side of Pittfodle’s stone
close by it. Mrs. Gordon,
his sister lies in his grave.
18th and 19th Century burial records for Snow Churchyard, Aberdeen.
Make christmas pictures. Make christmas toy lists.
Ete mints pies. Decorate bedroom and hotel.
Dress up toys. Reef up. Watch mupits christmas
charle. Make Santa’s house out of lego.
Make christmas cards. Christmas tree or read
christmas story. Watch Narnea. Watch Shreck
the holls. An activity scene out.
Dressing gouns on. Deckarate tree. Play games.
Rein dear sweet thing. Dress Atticus up
as Jeses. Make crackers and biscits.
Play in the snow if there is any.
Take pictures of Robings. Sing Rudeof
the red knose Raindear. Put stockings out.
Put mints pies and drink for Santa.
An advent calendar of 24 things to do before Christmas made by my 7-year-old. Penned 26 October 2010.
They didn’t want to come here.
They didn’t swim the Atlantic.
They were brought in, probably reluctantly,
by British gentlemen who thought they’d look cute
in their estate grounds, gardens and deer parks.
Is it their fault the smaller reds took one look,
turned tail, and fled somewhere safer?
Grey squirrels do not physically attack
red squirrels. They don’t even chase them.
They might frighten them a bit, who knows.
Bill Oddie, accompanying the BBC News article Black squirrels’ slow scamper to dominate.
FINEST HAM, FINEST HAM
FINEST CHICKEN, BONNE MAMAN
DOMESTOS, WHITE GRAPES
TOMATO PUREE, RAZOR BLADES
MUNCH BUNCH, MUNCH BUNCH
CHOC DIGESTIVE, CASHEW NUTS
BRAEBURN APPLE, PEAR HALVES
GALIA MELON, WHLE NUT BAR
TOOTHBRUSH, TOOTHBRUSH
ACTIVIA YOGHURT, HAND WASH
KETTLE CHIPS, SOFT CHEESE
TRACKER BARS, CLEMENTINES
CANDLE BULBS, CANDLE BULBS
SPONTEX PADS, CALPOL
CASE&SON BACON
VALUE K/TOWEL, SHAVING FOAM
FRUBES
DETTOL 500ML
BISCUITS
PAMPERS
CARRS MELTS
W 800G SEEDED
PASTA SHELLS
DEODORANT, DEODORANT
FRST SHREDDIES, FRESH MILK
BAKED BEANS, TUNA STEAKS
CHOC BISCUITS, AFTER EIGHTS
MEATBALLS, MEATBALLS
RICH TEA BISC, CEREAL
R/BERRY CONSVE, FRENCH FRIES
FRUBES POUCH, TOILET WIPES
An entire Tesco receipt, 4 October 2010.
Get a longer and more robust pole,
Grow your organ into a monster.
Big d1cks get all the chicks;
Your long and hard rod will please her.
Get more length, girth and hardness,
Impress your huge size on her;
Make your underpants bulge today,
Give her the best experience ever.
Better sex with organ pills:
You will reach far deeper inside her.
Bang her till she passes out,
Bang her longer and harder.
Surprise everyone with your increased length,
Cumming has never been stronger.
Be the man every woman desires:
This will make you longer.
Gmail spam subject lines over the last 10 days.
Blue with a hint of your mother.
Jesus Christ, what is with you and green?
What I’m sure was once nice wallpaper
before you stained it with your nicotine.
My dentist’s office orange. I still remember
his dandruff slowly wafting into my gaping jaw.
It’s pink, but not totally pink. It’s purple,
but not totally purple. Sorry for
spazzing earlier, I had a seizure.
White if it had a wine spill on itself and let it dry.
Maybe a half hour before the first stars
start showing up in the night sky.
Red as the cute boy to my right’s hoodie.
I’m sorry for polluting your stats.
That awful color, that forever remains a reminder
grandma needs to be cut off after the third glass.
Dark red. Velociraptor cloaca.
Shark invested water blue. Unsure-
whether-boy-or-girl baby room color.
Nothing looks like a proper color any more.
Comments in the xkcd survey about identifying colours.
For every child who instead of being cooped up in a small flat
is playing in a brand new children’s centre
—that is Gordon’s legacy.
For every patient who is treated in a brand new hospital,
instead of suffering on a waiting list
—that is Gordon’s legacy.
And for every person in an African village
whose life has been transformed by the cancellation of world debt
—that is Gordon’s legacy
and it is our legacy too.
We can be proud of what Gordon has done
and thank him from the bottom of our hearts.
From a Labour party email, 12th May 2010. Submitted by Marika Rose.
Then, let’s introduce
the vegetable musical instruments
that can have been done this time.
It is a carrot ocarina first. And,
it is an ocarina of a white radish
in Japan that can have done this time.
The broccoli ocarina was made.
A good sound was not heard because
only such a broccoli was obtained this time.
And, a carrot ocarina of the slide type.
When the breath is put here,
something is heard. It shaped … so …
The paprika was punctured.
When the breath is put here,
such a sound is heard. It is an owl.
Similarly asparagus panpipe was made.
However, a good sound is not heard.
It is a trumpet of the cucumber
and the paprika in the end. There were
musical instruments that looked
alike also in the vegetable orchestra.
Subtitles on YouTube video Introduction of handmade vegetable musical instruments. Suggested by Jason Davies.
Police, police, Henry and Frankie.
Oh, oh, dog biscuits and when he
is happy he doesn’t get snappy.
I am a pretty good pretzler.
Winifred. Department of Justice.
I even get it from the department.
Please, I had nothing with him.
He was a cowboy in one
of the seven-days-a-week fight.
There are only ten of us. There ten million
fighting somewhere of you, so get your onions up
and we will throw up the truce flag.
No payrolls, no walls, no coupons.
That would be entirely out.
Oh, sir, get the doll a roofing.
The sidewalk was in trouble and the bears
were in trouble and I broke it up.
A boy has never wept nor dashed a thousand kim.
Please crack down on the Chinaman’s friends
and Hitler’s commander. I am sure and I am going up
and I am going to give you honey if I can.
I am half crazy. They won’t let me get up.
They dyed my shoes. Open those shoes.
Give me something. I am so sick.
I will settle the indictment. Come on,
open the soap duckets. The chimney sweeps.
Talk to the sword. Shut up, you got a big mouth!
Please help me up, Henry. Max, come over
here. French-Canadian bean soup.
I want to pay. Let them leave me alone.
The final words of New York gangster Dutch Shultz, dying from a gunshot wound, 1935.
Verbatim Poetry 
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