Author: gabrielsmy

roads? where we’re going we

roads? where we’re going, we
don’t need roads – game
over man, game over –
these go to eleven – i am serious,
and don’t call me shirley –
i feel the need, the need for
speed – say hello to my little
friend – i’ll have what she’s
having – would you like me to
seduce you? is that what
you’re trying to tell me? – get
busy livin’ or get busy dyin’ –
i’m not bad. i’m just drawn
that way – if the pirates of the
caribbean breaks down, the
pirates don’t eat the tourists
– i’ll be back – may the force
be with you – here’s johnny!

From an advert for DVD shop Fopp in the Cambridge Arts Picture House programme, May 2009.

Pack a Punch

Travel is subject
to National Rail
Conditions of Carriage
NRCoC and to the
conditions of carriage
of other operators
on whose services
this ticket is ( )

Offpeak Day Travelcard, June 2009. The parenthesis marks a word that was punched out by the ticket inspector. Submitted by Andrew.

Someone Wrote You Message

Look at this glorious shit. Chinese
community lived on skyscraper roofs,
people for sale in Miami, one more
president killed. How can you explain it?

Revolt in Mexico. Person is missing –
problems with sending – didn’t receive
anything. See that girl anywhere?
Can you fix it? Tell me what happened?

Surprise. What I learned: found your mistake,
caught you on camera, all dates of meetings –
he – I recorded your voice. I found your
task. Jolie cut her face, make her your queen

forever. Chief asks for you – sending you
delivery boy, oh you are lucky.
Let’s make a barbecue on a weekend,
flush up to fifteen pounds of waste and toxins

from your body. See you there, address
attached. Where was your mind? You were great.
You were banned. Something strange happens to
everyone. Someone wrote you message.

A compilation of email subject lines from my spam folder over the last month.

When

When you love the work you do and the people you do it with, you matter.
When you are so gracious and generous and aware that you think of other people before yourself, you matter.
When you leave the world a better place than you found it, you matter.
When you continue to raise the bar on what you do and how you do it, you matter.
When you teach and forgive and teach more before you rush to judge and demean, you matter.
When you touch the people in your life through your actions (and your words), you matter.
When kids grow up wanting to be you, you matter.
When you see the world as it is, but insist on making it more like it could be, you matter.
When you inspire a Nobel prize winner or a slum dweller, you matter.
When the room brightens when you walk in, you matter.
And when the legacy you leave behind lasts for hours, days or a lifetime, you matter.

Seth Godin’s blog post You Matter, 15 June 2009.

For When the Numbers Don’t Speak for Themselves

Imagine
a typical reader
looking over your shoulder as you write,
and reacting to your words.
Try to keep this reader interested,
intrigued,
but not baffled.
Try and make
a continuous chain of written thought. Do not
lurch
from
one topic to
another without adequate introduction or
ration-
ale. ‘Discontinuity’ and jumps
in
ex-
po-
si-
tion
are off-putting to your
readers. Hence clear
organisation is very helpful, to the
reader and to the
writer. Unless it is very short,
divide your work
into sections, each dealing
with a CLEARLY IDENTIFIED SUBDIVISION of your topic.
Begin by saying what the project is about;
…
do not give the impression of grinding to a halt because you can not think of anything more to say.

Writing advice in a final year undergraduate project handbook from Bristol University Maths Department, 2009. Submitted by Kat(i)e.

To Bumble Beer

Simply the Best, The Bee’s Knees,
Eight Hundred Years of Innovation;
William Wilberforce Freedom Ale,
Eight Hundred Years of Inspiration.

Jack’s Revenge, Geronimo, Polly’s Folly, Oscar Wilde,
Nelson’s Revenge, Tally Ho!, Nero, Black Dog Freddy Mild.
Merry Andrew, Happy Jack, Prometheus, Sir Roger’s Porter,
Edwin Taylor’s Extra Stout, Betty Stogs, Gunner’s Daughter.

Cock ‘n’ Bull story, Mutt’s Nuts, Straw Dog, Stoat,
Golden Newt, Sly Fox, White Hart, Old Goat,
Curlew’s Return, Black Dog Mild, Double Swan, Porker’s Snout,
Funky Monkey, Whapweasel, Marmalade Cat, Oyster Stout.

Porta Porta, Salem Porter,
Black Jack Porter, Aviator;
Rivet Catcher, Umbel Magna
Golden Plover, Silver Adder;
Cornish Knocker, Spingo Bragget
Broadside, Spingo Jubilee;
Kellyhopter, Maritime, Frigate,
Wherry, Village Bike, Maybee…

Nyewood Gold, Somerland Gold, Golden Lance, Dark O,
Shackler’s Gold, Halzephron Gold, Golden Shower, Nero.
Honey Blonde, Sunchaser Blonde, Blonde Bombshell, Loveley’s Fair,
Lakeland Red, Kingston Black, Dark Ruby, Ginger Bear.

Polar Eclipse, Stormwatch, Spooky Moon, Storm Force,
Polar Star, Impy Dark, Dark Forest, Golden Gorse;
Lost in the Woods, Armageddon, Pendle Witches’ Brew,
Flying Serpent, Red Dragon, Iron Bridge Brew.

Elderquad, Agincourt, Danish Dynamite,
Scapa special, Chawden Aur, Chocolate Orange Delight.
Elderfizz, Shacklebush, Mad Monk, Pioneer,
Welterweight, Slumberjack, Pi, Bumble Beer.

Beer names (and three ciders) from the 36th Cambridge Beer Festival Programme, May 2009.

St Agnes Smooth and Creamy

St Agnes –
smooth and creamy with bananas
to the fore in aroma and taste.
Smoky malt overtones subside as
increasing bitterness dominates.

Comrade Bill Bartram’s Egalitarian
Anti-Imperialist Soviet Stout –
a bold and tasty Russian stout
with a mouthfilling, airy texture
and a lot of enjoyable, peppery,
bitter chocolate flavours.

Ported Porter –
an old-style porter.
Smooth and creamy,
spiked with port to
give it the flavour
of dark berries.

Eight Hundred Years of Innovation –
gruit ale, sweet gale, wormwood,
caraway and wild rosemary are used
to flavour this ale. It is said gruit ale
stimulates the mind, creates
euphoria and enhances sexual drive.

Golden Shower –
sorry, no tasting notes available.

Ales and their tasting notes from the 36th Cambridge Beer Festival Programme.