Autosuggestion

why is the sky blue
why is michael jackson white
why is the sea salty
why is my computer so slow
why is a raven like a writing desk
why is my period late
why is there a dead pakistani on my couch
why is yawning contagious
why is friday 13th unlucky
why is the sea blue

Google search box autosuggestions for ‘why is,’ 21 Sep 2009. Submitted by Alan Mitchell.

Bagpuss

Once upon a time, not so long ago,
there was a little girl and her name was Emily.
And she had a shop – there it is.It was rather an unusual shop
because it didn’t sell anything.
You see, everything in that shop window
was a thing that somebody had once lost,
and Emily had found,
and brought home to Bagpuss.

Emily’s cat Bagpuss:
the most important –
the most beautiful –
the most magical –
saggy old cloth cat in the whole wide world.

Well now, one day Emily found a thing
and she brought it back to the shop
and put it down in front of Bagpuss
who was in the shop window fast asleep as usual.
But then Emily said some magic words:

Bagpuss, dear Bagpuss,
old fat furry catpuss,
wake up and look at this thing that I bring.
Wake up, be bright,
be golden and light;
Bagpuss, oh hear what I sing.

And Bagpuss was wide awake.
And when Bagpuss wakes up
all his friends wake up too:
the mice on the mouse-organ woke up and
stretched; Madeleine, the rag doll; Gabriel,
the toad; and last of all, Professor Yaffle,
who was a very distinguished old woodpecker.

He climbed down off his bookend and went to see
what it was that Emily had brought.

The voiceover from the beginning of UK children’s TV programme Bagpuss, 1974.

Hose on Charlie’s Nose

Come on Charlie, get ready to be turned on.

I don’t want a hose
on the end of my nose.
I’ll look like an elephant.

O but Charlie, just think,
you’ll be doing a great job.
Your cold water will be cleaning
Button Moon.

Alright Small, just for you.
Go on. Stick it on.

Small, when you’re ready
for Charlie to be turned on
you just call out
and I’ll get soggy cloth.
He spends most of his time
sitting over there in that soap dish.
It’s about time he did some work.

Sorry Captain Large,
I’ve got the other end of the hose
but I don’t know what to do with it.

Get ready to turn him on.
Slurp. Slurp. Slurp.

Oh well done Small.
Now you can press the button,
nice and slow.

Oooooh.

Dialogue from Button Moon episode ‘Hose on Charlie’s Nose,’ 1980s.

I Find the College

I find the college…
infinitely the best in the university;
for it is the smallest,
and it is filled with lawyers,
who have lived in the world,
and know how to behave.
Whatever may be said to the contrary,
there is certainly very little
debauchery in this university,
especially among the people of fashion.

Unattributed quotation in The University of Cambridge, an ‘unofficial history produced by the University of Cambridge Board of Continuing Education for the use of participants in its courses’.

One For You

This seems to be one for you:

date1 July 2009 06:11
subjectThere he sat and cried

hide details 06:11 (6 hours ago) Reply

Hello. Is there perchance!

switchings

Facebook message from a writer friend – thought she was sending me a poem for this blog until I realised it was spam.

Because

That’s why I hit you today,
for the first time in my life.

Because you opened the letter,
because I wanted you to…
because of mother,
because she told you something she didn’t tell me,
because I love you and you are not my daughter,
because everything could have been different,
because the past will never return…

Because of the times you caressed my back
when I cried
candy king

gingerbread page
marzipan princess.

Subtitles from episode 4 of Dekalog.